Just trawling through the shared images out there in Internet land and am having great difficulty finding an image of a couple happily in their own room, but shown in the same image.
Dare I cry discrimination? Or grab a camera and start snapping myself?
EXCUSE ME Getty photographers, but could you please arrange to take a picture of a couple happily in their own rooms? Could you be clever enough to show that they are a couple, a happy couple, but sleeping separately?
(Not two people sitting in the same bed with one holding their head in their hands, or putting a pillow over their head, in despair of a partner disturbing their sleep)
And then email me when it’s done.
And yet ANOTHER great article about separate sleeping to share.
This time it’s from the UK and features…………………………………..
And my aforementioned friend and co-author Dr Neil Stanley.
(And again…. when will a publisher see the light and sign us up??)
FiveThirtyEight is a polling aggregation website created by Nate Silver. Sometimes referred to as 538, the website takes its name from the number of electors in the United States electoral college.
While the site’s beginnings were focussed on political analysis, a post yesterday strayed into my fav subject – separate sleeping.
Written by Mona Chalabi, it’s a good article, with some interesting analysis from the survey pool.
And the article finishes with a great quote from my friend Neil Stanley (and soon to be co-author when publishers in the UK and USA realise what a gem of a manuscript they are being offered) about the ongoing confusion between sleep and sex.
Looks like reality is indeed keeping up with the Kardashians….. and our friendly Yeezus – Kanye West.
If one is to believe a certain weekly goss mag in Australia (Woman’s Day), it turns out that reality royals, Kim and Kanye can’t slip between the sheets each night because of snoring issues….. just like us MERE MORTALS.
One can but hope it’s true. Are they just like me??????
(PS…. Scott Disick and Kourtney apparently sleep separately too….. see all the cool kids do it!)
I have always been clear that the main reason I sleep separately from my husband (and he from me) is that I simply CANNOT function when I don’t have enough sleep (nor he).
I have a fuzzy head.
I am unproductive.
I’m not pleasant company.
This fact alone has always been the singular driving force behind decisions I make about where and for how long I sleep. However, as I researched when writing my book, and subsequently continued to read widely about sleep – I can say that I feel grateful (and just a smidgen smug) about the sleep-related decisions I have made over the years.
I feel especially grateful for the decision to prioritise sleep by choosing a separate bedroom rather than compromise my sleep by sleeping with my husband. And the reason for the gratefulness is that the health risks I may just be avoiding.
MUCH is written about the health consequences of sleep deprivation. This deprivation can be caused by many reasons – insomnia, illness, depression, life consequences, tending to young children.
Sleep deprivation can also come from sharing your bed with a partner who consistently disturbs and disrupts your sleep.
Two recent articles are worthy of note. While neither specifically talk about sleep disturbance by a partner, they both speak of recent research into the long-term effects of sleep deprivation.
It doesn’t matter how the deprivation occurs folks. If you are kept awake by a snoring or restless or environmentally disparate partner – you WILL suffer sleep deprivation.
After perusing these articles, I have a question for you.
My question is ‘what is the real cost to your health if you are not having a good night’s sleep?’
PS ‘Is it worth it?’
I gave a recent story in The Atlantic only a cursory glance on publication as I was caught in the throes of busy work period. A few friends alerted me to the story, but I only re-read it this morning when another story linked to it and extrapolated on the key theme.
And it’s one of my favourites……
SLEEPING SEPARATELY IS GREAT BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PROPER NIGHT’S SLEEP BUT IT’S NOT AS GOOD AS SLEEPING WITH YOUR PARTNER WHICH IS SO MUCH BETTER …
The message is subtle, but leaves readers with the clear message that the couple who snuggle and compromise through each night have a closer, more intimate relationship.
Joe Methven, the author of The Atlantic article, references scientists and relationship experts to support his theory that while he had a great night’s sleep on the couch by himself and felt better, it’s still better for his relationship to put up with the disturbances of a snoring, pregnant wife and child that kicks him because it means they are closer.
While Methven’s article presents a view that I find slightly biased (and I’m sure people may similarly accuse me) it was the next article, discussing Methven’s, that irked me and pushed my inner cynic button. Continue reading
Maybe it’s because you’re not getting enough.
A group of those scientists we love (because they spend their days working out answers to the big questions of life) have worked out how sleep causes memories to form.
It’s explained in this article called ‘Scientists have finally worked out how sleep causes memories to form’
The bit to note particularly dear readers is:
To summarise and extrapolate for you (in case you don’t have time to read the article)……..
- Your memories form best when you are in deep sleep.
- If you do not get enough deep sleep each night, you might find your memory is not as good as it could be.
- If you are sharing a bed with someone who consistently wakes you during the night, you are probably not getting ENOUGH deep sleep.
- You may need to do something about getting enough deep sleep, before you forget…. all the things you want to remember.
Don’t FORGET how important sleep is. Value it. Treasure it. Prioritise it.
Most importantly….. GET IT !!!
(And don’t forget what I’ve told you today.)
How do you capture ‘sleep’ in an icon?
I have often searched for icons to visually enhance my words around sleep. In fact, our use of ‘icons’ has become a common feature of many discourses. Many of us seek to clarify our words in text messages or emails with emot’icons’ – to prevent the subtleties of language being lost in translation.
I came across a great site that seeks to help us all find the right icon for the right moment.
And they have an array of icons for sleep.
Never again will I need to wonder where my next enhancing icon will come from.
Thank you The Noun Project.
Click below if you are keen to go straight to the sleeping icons.
All that is left to say is….
So it would seem that to have a REALLY happy relationship, you’ve got to sleep no further than one inch apart from your partner.
If only someone had told me that ten years ago, I wouldn’t have embarked on this folly of a relationship and marriage. All those years I’ve wasted not having a REALLY happy relationship because I sleep in a separate room to my husband, which is quite a few more inches than one, away from his.
And the quizzical thing to me, is that I thought my relationship was REALLY happy. It seems REALLY happy – we love each other deeply, enjoy spending time with each other (and sometimes we enjoy spending time alone), we laugh and cry together, we argue and make up, we love going on holidays with each other, we both laugh at how stubborn the other can be, we make each other gin and tonics in summer, we make goals for our life (and sometimes reach them), and recently we managed to paint the inside of our extension together and build Ikea furniture.
But we can’t sleep one inch apart from each other.
Are we doomed? And why am I talking about this? (more…)
And if you don’t believe me, just check out the comments section in response to an article about separate sleeping on slate.com – an American daily, online magazine.
I have highlighted the response to the article as it’s one of the highest response rates I’ve seen for an article about separate sleeping (and there are quite a few folks.)
What warms the ‘cockles of my well-rested heart’ the most, is the overwhelming positive response to the article. And not only in the “you go girl” vein, but REALLY sensible responses to why whether you and your partner sleep separately should be anyone else’s business.
Even though I commented once, I want to join in again I posted a comment early after its publication and I am drawn to offer my enthusiastic support a second time. I don’t think that’s good commenting etiquette though so I’m exercising restraint.
The flip side of the positive commenters is the number of separate sleeping ‘poo-poo-ers’ that are having their ‘couples must sleep in the same bed’ opinions politely challenged. (Separate sleepers are such a well-mannered and erudite bunch!)
After 24 hours, the article is still drawing responses and I can’t help but coming back to the page to check out the latest threads.
You GO, you separate sleepers and keep the world on notice that our relationships are just as valid, vital and FANTASTIC as all those co-sleepers.
Time for a high five me thinks!