The million dollar question…

Why do we sleep?

It’s actually a tough question that ‘science’ has yet to provide a definitive answer for.  An article in the Huffington Post is claiming to have the answers. And based on the reasonable comprehensive research I undertook when writing ‘Sleeping Apart not Falling Apart’, the connections are logical.

why do we sleep banner

It makes sense doesn’t it? Sleep is a regenerative and restorative process – it’s the body’s way of recharging all the systems that keep up going day-to-day. Put it together with fuel from food, shelter to keep us warm, clean air to breathe, and a couple of other important bodily functions, and we realise that Maslow really knew what he was talking about.

My ‘two cents’ in this basic need for all humans is how we get it – and how someone else can interfere with our sleep. And then…. how other people judge us when we foresake a social norm to meet this basic need.

“Blah, blah Jennifer…. we know!!”

But that’s the bit that always leaves me looking like this?



  • Would you starve yourself so people didn’t think your relationship was in trouble?
  • Would you sleep on the streets to prove your love to a partner?
  • Would you hold your breath or stop going to the toilet so your friends thought your relationship was ‘on track’?

Maybe other people would and I’m the odd one out. (BUT I don’t think so).

Anyway…….. I’ll just have to keep on trying to understand. Safe in the knowledge that my brain is in its best state to ponder such deep thoughts, because I have so much restorative sleep every night.

Million dollar question answered.

Strictly sleeping…..

The Queen and Prince Phillip…..

Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter….

Kanye and Kim Kardashian….

Me and my husband…..

We’re all sleeping separately. And now it turns out the uber cool Baz Luhrmann and Catherine Martin are doing it too.

baz lurm

Who else wants to join this CHIC and SENSIBLE club?

(I do love the Saturday night hotel idea. might be getting a work out soon)

Advice for the modern couple….

If (as a single person enjoying all the luxuries of your own bed and bedroom) you have been lying awake in bed at night wondering what the Top 5 ‘turn offs’ and ‘favourite’ things to do in bed if you are about to share with a new partner…..

Wonder. No. More.

Ergoflex’s latest investigation into sleep habits of our UK friends looked at the sensitive subject of sharing a bed with a new partner, and the different ways in which sleep quality can be affected by this new arrangement.

And to assist those of us who are way too busy to read old fashioned and pesky sentences and paragraphs – here’s a great summary in chart form.

Ergoflex Bed Sharing Guide for New Relationships – An infographic by the team at Ergoflex Bed Sharing Guide

So… you have had a warning about green clouds of redolent gasses.

My advice. Fight for your own bed. And you still get to enjoy Favourites 1, 2 and 3.

How thoroughly modern.

Just trawling through the shared images out there in Internet land and am having great difficulty finding an image of a couple happily in their own room, but shown in the same image.

Dare I cry discrimination? Or grab a camera and start snapping myself?

EXCUSE ME Getty photographers, but could you please arrange to take a picture of a couple happily in their own rooms? Could you be clever enough to show that they are a couple, a happy couple, but sleeping separately?

(Not two people sitting in the same bed with one holding their head in their hands, or putting a pillow over their head, in despair of a partner disturbing their sleep)


And then email me when it’s done.

Thank you.


Feature in You Mag, Daily Mail….

And yet ANOTHER great article about separate sleeping to share.

This time it’s from the UK and features…………………………………..


And my aforementioned friend and co-author Dr Neil Stanley.

(And again…. when will a publisher see the light and sign us up??)

you mag

FiveThirtyEight is a polling aggregation website created by Nate Silver. Sometimes referred to as 538, the website takes its name from the number of electors in the United States electoral college.

While the site’s beginnings were focussed on political analysis, a post yesterday strayed into my fav subject – separate sleeping.

Written by Mona Chalabi, it’s a good article, with some interesting analysis from the survey pool.

And the article finishes with a great quote from my friend Neil Stanley (and soon to be co-author when publishers in the UK and USA realise what a gem of a manuscript they are being offered) about the ongoing confusion between sleep and sex.




Looks like reality is indeed keeping up with the Kardashians….. and our friendly Yeezus – Kanye West.

If one is to believe a certain weekly goss mag in Australia (Woman’s Day), it turns out that reality royals, Kim and Kanye can’t slip between the sheets each night because of snoring issues….. just like us MERE MORTALS.

One can but hope it’s true. Are they just like me??????

kim and kanye sleep

(PS…. Scott Disick and Kourtney apparently sleep separately too….. see all the cool kids do it!)

What price sleep?

I have always been clear that the main reason I sleep separately from my husband (and he from me) is that I simply CANNOT function when I don’t have enough sleep (nor he).

over tired


I have a fuzzy head.

I am unproductive.

I’m not pleasant company.


This fact alone has always been the singular driving force behind decisions I make about where and for how long I sleep. However, as I researched when writing my book, and  subsequently continued to read widely about sleep – I can say that I feel grateful (and just a smidgen smug) about the sleep-related decisions I have made over the years.

I feel especially grateful for the decision to prioritise sleep by choosing a separate bedroom rather than compromise my sleep by sleeping with my husband. And the reason for the gratefulness is that the health risks I may just be avoiding.

MUCH is written about the health consequences of sleep deprivation. This deprivation can be caused by many reasons – insomnia, illness, depression, life consequences, tending to young children.

Sleep deprivation can also come from sharing your bed with a partner who consistently disturbs and disrupts your sleep.

Two recent articles are worthy of note. While neither specifically talk about sleep disturbance by a partner, they both speak of recent research into the long-term effects of sleep deprivation.

It doesn’t matter how the deprivation occurs folks. If you are kept awake by a snoring or restless or environmentally disparate partner – you WILL suffer sleep deprivation.

After perusing these articles, I have a question for you.

not sleeping making brain smallerfragmented sleep banner

My question is ‘what is the real cost to your health if you are not having a good night’s sleep?’

PS  ‘Is it worth it?’